Home is where the heart is and my heart isn’t in it anymore. Living in the same house for the last 29 years is all I remember and all I have known. Looking around at the things that surround me in this house I feel nothing anymore. Numb.
Mom is planning on moving sooner rather than later and I feel like a small child who has no choice but to move because she says so. Being unable to afford anything for myself because as I have said before on this blog I have a dead-end job and no prospects to do anything else with my life.
We lost dad eleven months ago today. This house is too big, she says. Also, the drive to where she calls home is too long for her anymore. Never has that been my home no matter how many times we have been there in my lifetime. Seeing as I hate driving in general, but especially on the highway and turnpike, I won’t be able to go to and from on my own anytime soon. Seeing as it would be just me sure yeah this house is big, I guess. Trying to take up as little space as possible is where my head is at. At work and at home, I am constantly in the way of everyone and everything around me. Having no possessions that are actually mine it’s not exactly that hard. But being as small as I can be is still not enough for most people.
Lately, my focus has been on how behind I am on the books I want to read and the shows and movies I have wanted to watch. Sitting in one spot on the catch reading one of my dad’s books that has been on my list while watching a movie that I questioned if I had seen before is where I am while writing this post. Concentration is something I don’t possess anymore. Three books, several TV shows, and movies, and I have no idea what’s going on with anything I’m doing.
When I started this blog, I had a hobby that, as of right now, I have not partook in in years now. Duct tape is still silver and all the colors of the rainbow. The events of the last year have rendered me silent from now on.
Silence is Golden, Duct Tape is Sliver...Sometimes 