Thanks But No Thanks

Waiting for nothing to happen.

You ever have one of those days, weeks, years where you just cry for what seems like no reason whatsoever. You just burst into tears just thinking about life. I really hate when I know I am mad at myself and my coworker pushes the subject as to why I look upset AND THEN I start crying because now I have to put my thoughts to words. These excruciatingly horrible thoughts that no one should ever have to think about themselves. As I am placing all my cards on the table she starts telling me how her life is so much worse. THIS IS NOT A GAME! You asked me what was wrong with me and I begrudgingly told you and I am sorry I told you simply because you wanted someone to feel sorry for YOU. Yes when I can get someone’s ear I generally am happy about it because most of the time I feel like Mia at the beginning of Princess Diaries: Invisible.

This week at work has been slow to say the very least. I have worked barely 3 hours yesterday and today each because there is absolutely no need for the one person in the front of house that technically makes slightly more than everyone I work with on a daily basis to be there if there aren’t any customers to greet or seat. Yesterday was fine because I got to clean and organized things the way I like them after a weekend I had off that inevitably made it look like no one works there. Today I was trying to talk to my coworkers at times and I wasn’t getting a word in edge wise or when I was it was going in one ear and out the other. Invisible.

I know trying to talk to someone from afar is hard but when you are right across from the person it can be hard too. I would like to ask a question or make my point as well. If that is too hard to comprehend is when I shut down and I look miserable. Hence what started the conversation/pity party competition with my other coworker.

It also occurred to me that when talking to my one worker yesterday morning she asked how a recent interview went, and I said it sucked. She in return asked if I am not good at interviewing, my obvious response being yes. This made me think about how I go into interviews in general knowing beforehand that they will not get me anywhere but also how I leave them knowing that how things work these days people who already have the job they want, to interview people like me, are to busy in that job to not even bother with a Thanks but No Thanks email or call. I would appreciate one occasionally, you know. I think we all would. I set aside my time to come to you and interview for a job I was sure I wasn’t qualified for but tried to show you I was willing to learn more about. The least anyone can do I have a quick response button with a ‘Thanks for you time but we went with another candidate.’

I don’t want anyone’s sob story almost more than I don’t want to look someone in the eye and give them mine. Ok so I wasn’t the right fit for your retail store position. So what your boyfriend is acting odd as of late. At least you have a job that makes you feel important enough to get out of bed in the morning. At least you have a person in your life you can call your someone.

Here I am thirty years old living in my childhood bedroom wondering what I want to be when I grow up.