Loss for Words

This past week my parents and I said goodbye to a man we have known my entire life. He worked at a bar and restaurant that we frequently spent time in. He was only two years older than my mom and three years younger than my dad. He apparently had a massive heart attack one night while on vacation with his wife and didn’t wake up. He had just gone to see an NFL football game two days before.

No one knows when we will be taken from this world. There is no one that is alive today that can definitively tell us what happens when you die and what’s next. In the immortal words of the writer of RENT who himself died tragically young there is ‘No Day But Today.’

Most days I feel like there is no time to do the things that I want to do but then again most days I have all the time in the world because I don’t get as many hours at work as I used to when we were under previous management. Also when I am at work I don’t have the motivation to get done all the things I used to while I am there. The new management frankly hates me and makes me hate myself more for being there in the most lowly position the restaurant industry offers.

Taking all my crap out on my friends that I do have isn’t helping me either. Feeling like a complete jerk all the time to the only people around me that seem to give a crap about me is making me feel worse about myself. If there was a way that I could just keep being patient with them and try not to lose it every time I open my mouth that would be great but so far I just speak/type before I really think and I ruin everything I do have going for me. I guess I just need to shut up and wait for things to happen instead of expecting the worst and then going for about it on people I love.

So I guess its not really a loss for words in general more than a loss for words that actually mean something to not just me but everyone around me.